One of the most endearing qualities of most grandparents is their patience. The things that make we parent’s blood boil, our children’s grandparents find cute. And as parents we find this quality to be most admirable and almost unattainable in most circumstances. But it doesn’t stop there. More senior adults (ages 65+) than ever have embraced technology as a means of communicating with their loved ones – grandchildren included. Where we at one time found distance to be a road black for interaction with our grandparents, we now live in a world where we are more “wired” together than ever. Grandparents will go to any length to connect with their kiddos and grand kiddos.

Back to patience.

Proverbs 25:15 highlights the simplicity of patience as well as its huge impact. ”Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem.”

Sometimes we, as human beings, like to think that the loudest voice is the most important. Or that get-it-now is the way things get done. I slowly choose to believe that neither one of these is true.

As so beautifully demonstrated by patient grandparents, the lasting impact of endurance and soft voices is felt for generations. Tough less to swallow for me, a parent of two.

For some of us, our grandparents are slowing passing on. But their legacy of patience and endurance will always live on.

Somewhere around the early 90′s I got a new pair of Rollerblades. Mind you, this is when there was one company making these skates, and they were simply called Rollerblades. They were matte black with white and purple laces, and glow-in-the-dark wheels. They were beautifully triumphant attached to my skinny legs.

On the Christmas that I received these skates, I was spending the holidays with my grandparents in snowy Ohio. The home that they lived in had a huge wrap-around style basement that was neatly organized, and thus an incredible fun house of sorts for young children. I laced my skates, tore down the stairs, and skated for hours in that basement.

Never once did my grandparents seem concerned that I was knocking over golf clubs, carefully stacked boxed, and trinkets stowed appropriately for another season.

As I was wrapping up my 1000th trip around that basement, I caught my grandfather watching me from the top of the wooden stairs. Just smiling. He was relishing in my joy. He was focused intently on the sheer fun I was having. I’ll never forget that. Patiently he waited until I was done, and knowing full well I likely made a mess, he encouraged me to skate more.

Let’s learn from our grandest of parents. Learn to be patient, reflective, and tender. It’s the key to grandness.

We’ve all done it. We may not realize we do it, but we do. Middle of the night, and you aren’t feeling well. Maybe it was the bad day you had, or the fight you had with your boss, or that cheesy thing you ate at the new sketchy Mexican restaurant down the street. You sit down, login to Facebook to peruse the tirades, temper tantrums, and tender moments others are having in your own circle of friends. You see that long, rectangular box that contains four simple words heard around the world “What’s On Your Mind”, and you can’t help yourself. You unpack the days activities like they are a duffel bag returning home from a month long trek in the Himalayas. The ins and outs, ups and downs, lefts and rights, spew from within. You get dangerously close to maxing out Facebook post length and you hit enter. Suddenly the world knows your problems. Behold the new age mood ring!

Several years ago even the English royal family suffered a Facebook moody moment when a Buckingham Palace guard had some angry things to say about Kate Middleton. Why did he feel the need to do this? Simple. He was angry. She’s the new princess, he’s the lowly guard, she ignored him out of the 100,000 people in attendance; stuff happens. But he, along with the rest of the largest country in the world (you know, Facebook) have suddenly created a sliding mood scale that can be downright confusing, and often times hurtful.

The original mood ring created by Joshua Reynolds, who was heir to the R.J. Reynolds tobacco fortune, came up with one of the most fad-worthy items of the 70′s – the mood ring. The mood ring really came down to a matter of science. A heat sensitive liquid crystal encased in quartz or glass would bend colors based on body temperature. In theory, your body temperature would indicate what mood you might find yourself in the moment. Yellow meant you were tense while blue meant you were happy. Purple said you were moody, and black equalled depressed. Of course, we all realize that our bodies fluctuate in temperature based on the circadian rhythm of our 24 hour cycle. Body temperature can also elevate when fighting infection, and can decrease during a menstrual cycle (had to get clinical, sorry).

Like the mood ring of the 70′s, Facebook, Twitter, and the other various avenues of social media have become stomping grounds for, well, stomping around. Whatever pops into your mind, regardless of your mood, becomes eternally locked (yes, there is a delete button in some cases) into the timeline of your social circle. Remember that scene in The Social Network where Zuckerberg gets pummeled by his girlfriend, heads home, turns to typepad, and destroys her via his tiny blog? Great example of the moodiness of social networking, but also the great weight it brings.

I’ve learned a thing or two since opening my Facebook and Twitter accounts. I’ve developed rules for myself in these environments. Rules that not only protect my integrity, but keep me from flying off the handle. They are simple, yet useful.

First, I never say anything that can’t be completely understood by everyone who reads it. For instance, I could say “Life, why is it pushing my buttons today?”. Nothing too painful about that statement; except that it leaves minds to wander. Is something wrong with Neal? Is his family okay? Did someone hurt him? It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure style of posting. I’d like to leave a mark in this world with my personal integrity in-tact so I’ll let me yes be a clear yes, and my no be a clear no. Instead I could write, “That DMV is always so busy. Why is that?” So as a general rule, I only post what makes sense to EVERYONE, not a select few.

Second, I choose to pause, and re-read. Not only because of the auto-correct feature that leads to some hilarious and awkward moments, but because I need to think about what I’m communicating. Following step one of being clear, I always double-check my words. Not to necessarily censor myself, but out of consideration of those who have chosen to connect with me in the online world. Earn their respect by writing respectfully.

The mood ring of the 70′s, much like the pet rock, was a fad. People thought they were able to determine peoples moods by looking at a piece of cheap jewelry on their finger, but in reality it was a myth. The digital social world that is now commonplace in society is not a fad, and the lasting impression you leave in these corners says a lot about who you are as a person. So choose to not let these avenues of communication be your personal mood ring. Choose to effectively, and strategically communicate clear, precise, funny, and honest thoughts while under control. You’ll thank me later.

One of my favorite things to do with my daughter is to cook simple meals. Let me preface anything else I’ll say from this point forward with this – I’m not a great cook. As a matter of fact, I’m not a good cook. And it’s not for lack of trying because I have and continue to do so. It’s also not a result of my disinterest in food (I love you Chopped). I can follow a recipe, the food is fine, but the hard truth is that cooking requires heart. It requires love and patience. The best foods on the planet take time to prepare. From Coq au Vin to beef brisket, there’s a healthy dose of long suffering that goes into whipping up a truly great meal. And apparently I don’t posses these qualities. 

And yet, I love cooking with my daughter.

On a recent sick day for my wife (and truly, when mama is sick, ain’t nobody happy), my daughter and I squeezed our way into a juicing situation. As we carefully selected four large oranges, four ripe lemons, four aromatic limes, a cup of sugar, and water I noticed something beautiful. And trust me, it wasn’t the pain in my hands from the manipulating of citrus. Rather, it was my daughter.

Her outward beauty is apparent, but I caught a really quick glimpse of her inward beauty in a way I hadn’t before. As she lovingly handed me each piece of fruit to squeeze into submission she quietly gave them a kiss. Unbeknownst to me at the time, she had heard a relative mention that meals are always prepared with a little love around here. After the aaaaaahhhhhh’s wore off I asked her how long she’d been doing this. Her reply, “Just now”.

Like my daughter’s insistence on placing a little love on each piece of fruit, so is the love we are to show others.

The Bible teaches very simply that we are to love each other. Not because we receive anything in return, but simply because that’s the opposite of who we feel we need to be. Knowing this, we are encouraged (by Paul) in Ephesians 4:2 to do this - ”with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love”.

It’s hard to love people. Why? Because they are just like us. But with the right perspective and a lot of humility we can accomplish  the goal set forth by the writer of Ephesians. Love isn’t love unless it’s humble, gentle, patience, and consistent. And putting that into practice is exponentially harder than saying it.

Mother Teresa so poignantly pointed out the need for love inside every individual when she said, “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread”.

Choose today to remember to add a little love in everything that you do.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve used this space at my personal site to write about sports. While that endeavor was and still is a worthy cause, there’s a vast majority of my life that is spent away from writing about local Oklahoma City hockey teams. For those that aren’t aware, I’m a full time pastor. I serve a local community that is both unique, young, spirited, and curious about life. To bring my pastoring to a sharper focus, I primarily work with young families and young children, thus making my “unique, young, spirited, and curious” comment even more understandable.

Beginning today, this space will be devoted to life. Not necessarily my life, but life in general. One of the greatest blessings of being a full-time pastor is discovering the lack of sameness in every individual you come in contact with. In other words, we are all vastly different. And to me, that’s exciting and worth discussing.

There’s no doubt that I will pull from my life struggles and situations (as I’ll do today) heavily in stories and words written within the confines of this site. I just can’t help myself. But know that the overall arc will be about encouraging you to look at life around you. Pause briefly as you eat your lunch. Step back as you shop for groceries. And most importantly, relish the fact that you live in a world where things are interesting. Yes, sometimes our world seems more ugly than good, but you’ve been given an opportunity to learn from mistakes (including your own), and attempt to make the world a much more enjoyable place.

So enjoy. The posts are coming.